A Knack For Attracting Idiots
by Red Witch
Summary: Once again the Cobras get into trouble, but this time it comes in a familiar form. Can they escape another blast from the past or will they be doomed? Actually either way they're doomed so...


**Cobra Commander once again took off with the disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters. Time for more adventures with everyone's least favorite terrorists who have…**

**A Knack For Attracting Idiots**

"This is an outrage! An **outrage **I tell you!" Cobra Commander hissed as he looked at the magazine. "And I don't mean my usual outrage! I'm talking about an outrage on the scale of one to ten is an eleven!"

Cobra Commander paused. "Okay maybe not an **eleven,**" He backtracked. "A nine. No wait make it a seven. A six? Yeah make it a six. That's more plausible."

"I thought we agreed while we were in port you wouldn't read any more of those magazines," Destro remarked as he looked over the table at Cobra Commander.

"Hey! I'm trying to get back in the game here!" Cobra Commander snapped. He was sitting in a café with a small stack of magazines on his table. His coffee cup was mostly ignored but still hot. "I need to know what is going on in the world while we've been lost at sea for months!"

"Commander, we still had a satellite TV," Destro pointed out between sips of his coffee. "Three laptops and a radio. You **know** what's been going on."

"Yes but it doesn't hurt to catch up on the news by reading intelligent informed writing," Cobra Commander turned a page of his magazine. "Good gravy! Destro did you hear one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey may be going to jail?"

"And this takes the sting out of being lost at sea," Destro groaned. "At least we were lucky to find a port that is hospitable to the ethically challenged."

"Might want to send the location to the Housewife and her husband in case they want to lay low," Cobra Commander snorted. He picked up a newspaper. "Oh look more on NSA scandal!"

"Ugh that's even worse," Destro groaned.

"I can't believe this! This is an outrage!" Cobra Commander hissed.

"We've talked about this. Let it go Commander," Destro sighed.

"No, no! I will not let it go!" Cobra Commander snapped. "The United States Government has been spying on its citizens without their knowledge for the Serpent God knows how long!"

"And you're angry that not only you couldn't get in on the action, you should have thought of the idea yourself," Destro rolled his eyes.

"If I had known all it took was to get a high school dropout to fake his way into the National Security Agency I would have done it **years ago**!" Cobra Commander spat and threw down the paper in disgust. "Instead of sending my **highly trained** spies with their impeccably faked credentials!"

"Considering our spies could never infiltrate the NSA I must admit this young man has some talent," Destro sighed.

"And what does he do with the information? Does he sell it? Does he offer his services to a criminal agency for power? Does he use what he's learned to blackmail people and move his way up the ladder? Noooooo!" Cobra Commander threw up his hands. "He decides to **tell the world **the government is spying on people! What is wrong with people's morality these days?"

"It's a very different world since the 80's Commander," Destro admitted.

"No kidding!" Cobra Commander spat. "If that wasn't bad enough look at all the action I'm missing out on! Chemical weapons in Syria! Political instability and riots in Egypt! Nuclear weapons testing in North Korea! I should be getting in on this and making a profit!"

"You're not the only one," Destro grumbled. "It's bad enough Assad dumped me as his supplier but he also took my golf pro. And he was my contact for the World Cup Tickets!"

"Time was Cobra had a finger in every criminal enterprise there was in the world," Cobra Commander snapped. "Nowadays we can't even get in on a simple weapons sale or a drug deal. Even our counterfeit Twinkie business has gone dry!"

"They didn't taste so bad once Mindbender stopped putting hair gel in the filling," Destro admitted.

"It just makes me sick," Cobra Commander snapped. "You know I was the very first to use cyber terrorism!"

"I know Cobra Commander," Destro sighed. "I was there."

"Cyber terrorism and hacking computer accounts! Chemical weapons, genetic engineering! I did all that before anyone else did! I was a freaking pioneer of the modern age of mayhem and destruction! But does anyone even **credit** me with that? NO!" Cobra Commander slammed his fist on the table.

"True genius often is unappreciated in one's time Commander," Destro sighed and went back to his coffee.

"Speaking of geniuses…" Cobra Commander groaned as he saw Mindbender approach them. "Well did you get the vital supplies we needed?"

"Oh yes Cobra Commander. They had a sale on vodka," Mindbender beamed. "And I got some halfway decent rum at a good discount price."

"I know this is a ridiculous question but did you get any **other **supplies?" Destro asked. "Like food, equipment, fuel. _Those things?" _

"Of course I did. Equipment and fuel anyway," Mindbender waved as he sat down. "And the Baroness is getting the rest with the twins."

"How much money did you spend?" Cobra Commander asked in a concerned tone.

"Not as much as you would think. Some of those man-made diamonds I created from that coal we stole went a long way," Mindbender shrugged.

"And judging by the gasoline smell on your breath I'm guessing you didn't pay **anything** for the fuel," Destro wrinkled his nose as best he could inside his mask. "Am I right?"

"Hey, I was on a budget!" Mindbender snapped. "Lay off!"

"Yeah lay off Destro," Cobra Commander snapped. "Besides the gasoline smell is an improvement."

"Oooh! People Magazine!" Mindbender picked up one of the magazines and looked at it. "Hey did you know one of the Real Housewives may be going to jail?"

"God what I wouldn't give for some intelligent conversation," Destro moaned. "Or at the very least a conversation that is more intelligent than **this!"**

"Ah there you are," The Baroness remarked as she entered along with the Crimson Twins. "All right. We have the supplies and we should be getting along now."

"Hold your horses Baroness," Cobra Commander waved. "After months at sea dodging pirates, the law and sea serpents I want to enjoy my time on land as much as possible."

"Yes, but still we shouldn't overstay our welcome," The Baroness said in a hushed voice. "Even if this is a port friendly to criminals we can't take any chances."

"I'm guessing by the urgency of your tone you lot used the five finger discount?" Destro asked acidly.

"More like the stolen van and crowbar discount," The Baroness admitted. "Hey! What do you want from me? We were on a budget!"

"We got a couple cases of scotch too!" Tomax said cheerfully.

"And some bottles of old wine the owner in one shop hid in his office," Xamot added.

"I have to admit at least you people know how to shop for bargains," Cobra Commander shrugged.

"We'd better just grab whatever we can before…" Xamot began.

"Someone figures out we grabbed a few extra items," Tomax added. He then noticed the magazine Mindbender was reading. "Is that Real Housewife…?"

"Going to jail?" Xamot finished as he saw the article too.

"That's nothing. Did you read the latest about that former playmate has **another** reality show?" Cobra Commander huffed. "It's a six on my outrage scale."

"What's wrong with **that**?" Mindbender asked. "You're really against half naked women on TV?"

"Well not on principle no," Cobra Commander waved. "But she has no real talent and…"

"Who cares? She's hot and half naked all the time," Mindbender protested. "She could recite Shakespeare in pig Latin and I'd watch it!"

"No surprise there since you are a **pig**!" The Baroness scoffed.

"Oh please! Let's not have…" Tomax groaned.

"A rematch over the whole twerking debate again," Xamot finished.

"I'll say it before and I will stand by my statement of artistic expression!" Mindbender spoke up.

"The one night the satellite cable **wasn't **scrambled…" The Baroness groaned. "Oh how I wish it was."

"You know Mindbender I'm rethinking the whole outrage scale and you do make some rather compelling arguments," Cobra Commander thought. "We did record the MTV awards didn't we?"

"Please tell me you lot didn't acquire any magazines during your 'shopping'," Destro moaned to the Baroness.

"Paper magazines no. Magazine rounds…" The Baroness admitted.

"You stole weapons from weapons smugglers I presume? Well that explains the angry mob outside the window," Destro looked outside.

"A very large angry mob," Cobra Commander noticed.

"Don't worry," Xamot said.

"We parked the van near another ship," Tomax added.

"So they won't think it was us that stole anything," Xamot smirked.

"Unless you forgot to disable the security cameras," Destro sighed. The Twins' faces fell. "Which I'm guessing you did!"

"I could have sworn…" Xamot frowned.

"We disabled most of them!" Tomax gulped.

"And I know I left those witnesses alive when I went shopping at this one store and I wanted a dress that two other women wanted," The Baroness recognized some other people in the mob. "Long story short I got what was left of the dress. Going to turn it into a skirt."

"Uh huh…" Cobra Commander looked outside. "Okay am I seeing a lot of men in leather outfits and chains with whips or is it…?"

"Uh oh…" Mindbender gulped. "Those last ones may be for me."

"Do I even want to know what you did to tick off **that group**?" Cobra Commander asked in an icy tone.

"Not really no," Mindbender sighed. "They work in the local theater. Let's just say they aren't into audience participation as much as you think they would be."

"Okay you know the drill," Cobra Commander sighed as he pulled out his blaster. "Standard shoot out Evacuation Maneuver Number Three. And grab anything you can that isn't nailed down."

"You're just going to shoot up the café for no reason?" Destro hissed.

"Oh like I was going to pay anyway?" Cobra Commander snapped as he started firing.

Thirty minutes, and one big firefight later…

"Well there's **another place** we can never show our faces again," Destro quipped as he put the ship on auto pilot when the Cobras were well out to sea. "I estimate by now we must have been banned from at least a quarter of the entire Earth!"

"Really? I could have sworn it was more," Mindbender remarked.

"It probably was but since we destroyed quite a bit of it…" Cobra Commander sighed as he sat in his seat on the bridge. "You have to make some deductions."

"Oh right," Mindbender nodded. "That makes sense."

"The only thing that does in this living Hell I call life," Destro sighed.

"Well now what do we do?" Cobra Commander asked.

"**You're **our commander!" Destro snapped. "**You're** the one who is supposed to come up with the plans!"

"Oh right…" Cobra Commander sighed. "All right people, we're having a meeting."

"_Another one_?" The Baroness rolled her eyes.

"Yes, another one! It's time we had a brainstorming session!" Cobra Commander spoke up. "Any ideas?"

"We could try piracy again," Mindbender spoke up.

"No!" Destro snapped. "Every time we try to rob a ship at sea it turns into a complete disaster!"

"I wouldn't say a **complete** disaster," Cobra Commander remarked.

"Really? Let me run down the list," Destro counted on his fingers. "A yacht full of armed law enforcement agents. A drunken Russian Mob boss who really didn't appreciate you stealing his vodka. A vessel that turned out to be a decoy by GI Joe! A pirate vessel that did **not **like competition! And a group of transvestite stockbrokers on a bender!"

"That last one wasn't so bad," Mindbender spoke up. "It was a fun party."

"Yes and when we all recovered our senses after that three day bender we discovered that the stockbrokers took off with most of our alcohol and half our cash!" Destro snapped. "Thank God they didn't look in the Easy Bake Oven and take our created diamonds!"

"Oh yeah…" Cobra Commander groaned. "All right. Piracy is out. Any other ideas?"

"We could rent ourselves out as a party boat," Mindbender spoke up. "For criminals and stockbrokers."

"And have them drink up all my booze that I rightfully stole? Forget it!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Okay I have another idea," Mindbender held up his hands. "Now before you all jump in on me give me a chance to explain myself. Two words: Reality show!"

"One word. NO!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Oh come on! This is perfect for us!" Mindbender protested. "Hey come on! Think about it! Cobra Commander you would be the star you always wanted to be and…"

"Two more words: HELL NO!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"In case you haven't realized this Mindbender but the object for us is to **not **get caught by the authorities," Destro said.

"That's the beauty of it! We're in international waters! They can't touch us!" Mindbender waved. "Come on! It worked for those kids in Hollywood! You remember? The ones that were stealing from Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and all those other stars! One of them got a reality show out of it!"

"And she also got tossed into the slammer," Cobra Commander reminded him. "Ironically the same jail cell as Paris Hilton once occupied."

"Well not at the same time obviously but…" Mindbender began.

"Mindbender stop! I can't take any more of your stupid ideas!" The Baroness snapped.

"Don't yell at me! I'm the only one coming up with **any** ideas here!" Mindbender snapped. "Let's hear your ideas Baroness! Go ahead! The floor is yours!"

"Well…" The Baroness hesitated.

"What was that? I can't **hear** you!" Mindbender put his hand to his ear. "Speak up."

"Uh…We could pull a heist. Steal some jewels," The Baroness said. "Yes that's what we could do."

"Oooh! A heist! How **original!**" Mindbender mocked. "And **what **jewels are we going to steal and **where from?"**

"Well obviously from someone rich and wealthy…" The Baroness stuttered.

"Didn't we already try that and it turned out to be a **failure?**" Mindbender twisted the knife. "In fact aren't we just better off grabbing more coal so I can **make** diamonds and jewelry from them?"

"He does have a point Baroness," Cobra Commander shrugged.

"Not so great when someone is constantly shooting down **your ideas** isn't it?" Mindbender said sarcastically.

"And where are we going to get the coal genius?" Xamot asked.

"I for one refuse to do what we did last time!" Tomax added.

"So do I!" Xamot agreed.

"No more stealing coal from Santa!" The Twins snapped.

"Technically we didn't steal coal from Santa," Mindbender corrected. "We stole coal from a Santa train."

"Who cares? It was still the stupidest…" Destro began when a rumble interrupted him. "Oh what fresh Hell is this?"

"It's a giant thunderstorm slash tornado headed our way," Mindbender looked out the window. "Whoa look at the size of that sucker."

"AAAAH! WE'RE DOOMED! WE'RE DOOMED!" Cobra Commander yelled. "We gotta get out of here! Abandon ship! Cobra Commander is first before women and children! AAAAAHH!"

"Or we could simply convert the ship to a submarine and go **under** the whole thing," Destro gave him a look as he casually pushed a few buttons.

"Oh right. I knew that," Cobra Commander blinked.

It wasn't long before they were underwater. "Hmm…scanners are picking up an unknown power source," Destro noticed his instruments. "Hang on…There's some kind of oil rig up ahead. That seems to be the source of the disturbance. Let's have a look shall we?"

"Why not?" Cobra Commander remarked as they went towards the structure. "Not like we have anything else to do today."

Several minutes later. "This looks like some kind of abandoned secret base," Destro remarked as the Cobras entered what looked like a large control room. "But everything looks new. Curious."

"You know what's even more curious? The storm isn't in this area," Mindbender said as he looked over the instruments. "And it seems to be…powered by this machine. Yes! That tower in the center of the room! That's what's powering the storm!"

"Does this look familiar to anyone?" Cobra Commander looked at the large tower. "Because for some reason this looks awfully familiar to me!"

"That's because we invented it you twit!" The Baroness snapped. "That's the Weather Dominator! Well…a cheap knockoff of one."

"WHAT? WHAT THE DEVIL IS MY WEATHER DOMINATOR DOING HERE?" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Technically it's **my** weather dominator!"

"Who the hell are you?" Cobra Commander snapped at a man in his forties standing on a catwalk above them. He had long black hair coming out of a gold helmet and was dressed in gold pants with a gold vest and an orange shirt with a black padded waist piece. He also had gold boots and a gold knife strapped to them.

"I am the Overlord!" The man snapped. "Future ruler of the Earth!"

"No! I'm the future ruler of the Earth! You are a badly dressed idiot who is plagiarizing my ideas!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Really? You're making fun of the way **I'm dressed**?" The Overlord asked. "Pretty bold card for you don't you think…_Commander?_"

"Hold on! I know you!" The Baroness pointed at him. "You used to work for Cobra!"

"Yes! Captain Mikhail Denenko," Xamot remembered. "Former Captain of the Crimson Guard."

"Who we had to fire!" Tomax bristled.

"For complete and total incompetence!" Xamot snapped.

"Wait, isn't he the one who took all those pictures of himself to send to Playgirl but they ended up in some phony Good Housekeeping magazine scam?" The Baroness asked.

"Oh right this was in the 80's just before the Internet," Mindbender remembered.

"And later we found out he embezzled money but our Crimson Guard could never track him down!" Tomax snapped.

"That's because I paid them off," The Overlord shrugged.

"That explains it," Xamot grumbled.

"Just what exactly are you doing here?" Cobra Commander snapped. "With **my **weather dominator!"

"Technically it's **my **weather dominator but that's just splitting hairs," Destro remarked.

"Well when you get thrown out of a terrorist organization like Cobra there really aren't that many other options for employment," The Overlord said. "Luckily I embezzled a couple million dollars before I got kicked out and I remembered where the old weather dominator plans were."

"How did you find them? I shredded those plans years ago!" Destro asked.

"You really need a new housekeeper in that castle," The Overlord shrugged. "Didn't really do a very thorough job of cleaning the place. Plus I had a lot of time on my hands and a lot of stolen office supplies."

"Did you steal my box of red pens?" Cobra Commander snapped. "I needed those!"

"Wait how did you an idiot like you obtain the rare and hard to find minerals needed to power the Weather Dominator?" Destro asked.

"I didn't. I converted the whole thing to run on batteries," The Overlord explained. "It wasn't that hard. They have this website online that shows you how to get a car to run on electricity so all I did was…WHY AM I TELLING **YOU** THIS?"

"Beats me," Mindbender shrugged.

"Look! The point is that this is my weather dominator and I'm taking it back!" Cobra Commander pointed to the Overlord.

"Uh no you're not," The Overlord snorted. "It's my weather dominator and I am going to use it to rule the world! Or get a ton of cash and buy up all the good parts. Whichever is easier."

"Yeah right! You and what army?" Cobra Commander snarled.

Ten minutes later…

"Okay! So you have an army!" Cobra Commander snapped. He and the other Cobras were manacled to the wall in the control room.

"Now who saw **this** coming?" Destro asked sarcastically.

"How was I supposed to know that he recruited over half of the former Crimson Guard that we fired over the years?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Well for starters The Overlord was always a good leader," A soldier in gold uniform and a gold mask spoke up. Several soldiers in gold uniforms and masks stood by him.

"And a good guy. Always threw good parties," A second soldier admitted. "And he paid for booze! Which is more than you ever did Commander!"

"He's my kid's godfather," Another soldier said.

"He helped me through my divorce," Another soldier spoke up.

"He kept in touch with all of us and started a support group," The second soldier spoke up. "Which he often chipped in paying for alcohol!"

"That's kind of how this whole thing started actually," The Overlord said. "I'd come up with a weekly get together with the guys to you know, blow off some steam and get some support when it came to me! I could run a terrorist organization way better and with far fewer expenses than you ever could!"

"And he still had enough to pay for booze!" The second soldier snapped.

"Yeah Steve. He gets that part," The Overlord sighed. "Steve is kind of an alcoholic."

"Gee I never would have guessed," The Baroness said sarcastically.

"Anyway after I'm finished my testing phase," Overlord went on. "I'm going to threaten the world…Yada, yada, yada…Then I'm going to my real phase two!"

"Which is?" Destro asked.

"I'm going to become a reality star and make tons of money!" The Overlord told them. "My own show! My own designer brands! I've even started tweeting pictures of me in sultry poses and I've already got some very interesting feelers out from Playgirl."

"Great we're being held hostage by the Anthony Weiner of the Terrorism world!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Considering I'm being insulted by the Lindsey Lohan of the Terrorism world I'm not too offended!" The Overlord snapped.

"Why do people always call me that?" Cobra Commander hissed as he struggled to escape his bonds.

"Do we really need to have this conversation **again?**" The Baroness groaned. "Really? I thought the fifty times we went over this as well as Mindbender's very detailed PowerPoint presentation explained it all!"

"And now! I the Overlord will now start my next test! I will…Make it flood in the Midwest! HA HA HA!" The Overlord laughed as he went to the controls.

"Uh Sir?" Steve the henchman raised his hand. He walked up to the Overlord and whispered something in his ear.

"Really? Are you sure?" The Overlord blinked. Steve whispered again. "Worst flooding in…Okay. Forget the Midwest. That's a bit redundant. All right! Maybe I'll find a way to make it rain fire in California! HA HA HA!"

"Uh Sir…" Steve sighed.

"What?" The Overlord snapped. Steve whispered again. "Okay fine! The Jersey Shore!" Again Steve whispered. "There too? How did **that **happen?"

"Methinks The Overlord doesn't watch the news regularly," The Baroness rolled her eyes.

"Okay how about we cause a drought in…No wait, there's already drought in most of the world," The Overlord blinked. "I know! We cause a hurricane in Mexico…Why are you looking at me like that Steve? Oh come on!"

"I'm starting to remember some of the **other** reasons…" Tomax groaned.

"We fired Denenko for," Xamot finished.

"Hmmm…Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong?" The Overlord thought. "Maybe instead of making weather bad, I should make it **good?** Because it sounds to me that Mother Nature is already running amok. Okay new plan. We're gonna make people pay for the weather to be good."

"Sounds like a good way to go," Steve agreed and the rest of the henchmen nodded.

"All right! How about we practice! We put this puppy up to full power to get rid of the rain outside and…" Steve punched several buttons. Just then the control panel began to smoke. "That should not happen…"

"Oh yes…" Xamot winced.

"It is all coming back to us now," Tomax sighed.

"Okay, uh this can be fixed!" The Overlord gulped as the control panel began to crackle and pop as well. "Okay…Here's the problem. The power output has…Oh…That should not have melted so fast."

"What does that mean boss?" Another henchman asked.

"Well Rodger it means that the photon reactor and the power supply are slightly unstable," The Overlord explained.

"And by slightly I take it you mean it's going to **explode?**" Destro growled.

"Afraid so," The Overlord gulped. "A real big explosion. Guess the batteries weren't strong enough."

"Yeah that's why I didn't use batteries in the **original** weather dominator!" Destro snapped.

"To be fair, that was not in the notes," The Overlord gulped as the control panel sparked.

"Well I don't always write everything down," Destro growled. "Just in case someone decides to **steal** _my ideas!"_

"Oh…" The Overlord blinked. "That is a good system."

"Let us go and I'll help you fix it!" Destro told him.

SNAP! FIZZ!

"Uh okay…" The Overlord gulped as part of the control panel caught on fire. He pushed another button and the Cobras were free.

"Okay let's take a look here! Mindbender check the secondary backup controls!" Destro ordered as the Cobras went to work. "Baroness monitor the thermodynamic control modulator. Crimson Twins monitor the primary accelerators and tell me what they are reading."

"What do you want me to do?" Cobra Commander asked.

"What you always do. Stand there out of our way and complain," Destro snapped.

"Okay," Cobra Commander nodded. "Hurry up you fools and get this done!"

"Can you wait two minutes before you start whining?" The Baroness shouted.

"Sorry. Just doing my part," Cobra Commander shrugged.

"Thermodynamic readings are 149 over 456," The Baroness read.

"Electrostatic input readings are off the chart," Mindbender called out.

"We have 235 over 256 in pressure!" The Twins said as one.

"The primary core has melted and leaked into the stabilizing modulator," Destro spoke. "The electrostatic cables are fluctuating at a rate of 265 RMGs. And the backup systems are fluctuating fast!"

"What does that mean?" Cobra Commander asked.

"In layman's terms?" Destro asked. "We're screwed."

"And by screwed you mean…?" The Overlord asked.

"It means the batteries weren't strong enough to regulate all the systems and there is a chain reaction going on which will result in a catastrophic failure!" Destro snapped.

He was met with blank looks from both Cobra Commander and the Overlord. "The system will explode. This base will go boom-boom and we will all go bye-bye if we don't get out of here!" Destro said sarcastically.

"Oh that kind of catastrophic failure," Cobra Commander winced.

"Uh yeah you know, Cobra Commander? How about you take the base and the weather dominator and we'll just get out of your hair?" The Overlord gulped. He pressed a button. "All troops Plan B! Activating MASS Device!"

"The MASS Device? You copied that too? How did you obtain the precious minerals needed to run it?" Cobra Commander hissed.

"I told you before. I went to Aisle 9 in Wal-Mart," The Overlord snapped. "Batteries! Remember?"

"I should have thought of that," Destro sighed.

"Certainly would have saved us a lot of time and trouble if you had," Cobra Commander grumbled. "Wait a second…" He and Destro did a double take.

"What?" The Overlord snapped. Another machine nearby started to smoke and spark. "Ohhh…ABORT! ABORT AAAAHHHH…."

He and his men then disappeared with a flash of light. "Again that's **why** I didn't think of using batteries," Destro sighed.

"The good news is the Overlord is either dead or in another dimension," Mindbender remarked. "Thereby we will never see him again."

Just then a pounding was heard from a nearby futuristic closet. "WHERE THE HELL AM I?" The Overlord yelled. "Hello? Anyone? Steve get your foot out of my ear!"

"Or he could just be in the closet," The Baroness blinked.

"That would explain his choice in uniforms," Cobra Commander quipped. "What's the bad news?"

"Did you not hear me? The base is going to be blown up!" Destro yelled. "Even faster because now two highly unstable machines are going to explode!"

"Oh. We should run now," Cobra Commander said.

"That's my plan. Yes," Destro said acidly.

"Should I be screaming or has that been overdone?" Cobra Commander asked.

"Well yes, but that has never stopped you before," Destro quipped.

"True. But I feel like I'm in a rut and I want to change things up," Cobra Commander said.

"That's understandable but in this situation I think it would be acceptable to rely on the old standby," Destro said. "You do realize by now that our team has just run off without us and will probably leave us to die right?"

"Hmmm, yes," Cobra Commander noticed. "Probably wasn't the time to stop and discuss the protocol for running away wasn't it?"

"No, I fear not? Shall we?" Destro motioned.

"Thank you. WAIT FOR US! AAAAAHH!" Cobra Commander screamed as he ran off after his team.

"DON'T LEAVE US BEHIND YOU MORONS! WAIT FOR US!" Destro yelled as he ran.

"Uh hello?" The Overlord called out. "Can someone get us out of the closet? Hello?"

Twenty minutes and a very large explosion later…

"So you think he's dead?" The Baroness groaned as the Cobras sat on the bridge after escaping the destroyed base.

"With our luck, probably not," Destro groaned. "If I was him I would have pushed buttons until the MASS device teleported him out somewhere."

"Pity," The Baroness sighed.

"Okay so back to the brainstorming…" Cobra Commander sighed.

"My brain cannot handle any more storms, literal or figurative!" Destro snapped. "Today we caused a riot, burned down half of a port city, made a dozen or so other enemies, and then we had to deal with a disgruntled insane former employee while battling a former weapon of ours! Got nearly killed three times…"

Destro checked his watch. "And it's not even noon yet."

"Three times?" Mindbender asked. "Okay the gunfight at the dock was once and nearly getting blown up was two…How did you get three?"

"The giant storm headed our way we narrowly missed?" Destro gave him a look.

"Oh right," Mindbender nodded.

"You have a point Destro," Cobra Commander sighed. "Okay new plan. Let's all get plastered and we'll think of something tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me," Tomax nodded as Destro put the ship on autopilot.

"Was it just me or was the Overlord…?" Xamot began.

"More scatterbrained than the usual lot of losers we come across?" Tomax finished.

"It's not you," Cobra Commander groaned. "Why the devil must we always run into morons wherever we go?"

"We do seem to have a knack for attracting idiots don't we?" Mindbender remarked.

"Like attracts like," Destro grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Mindbender looked at Destro.

"I said I know what that's like," Destro covered.

"Let's just go and…" The Baroness remarked when she heard a noise from nearby. "What was that?"

"It's coming from that closet over here," Destro realized. "Wait how long have we had a closet on the bridge?"

"I'm going to open it," Mindbender went to open it.

As he did so one of the Overlord's henchmen fell out onto the floor face first. "Ow…"

"Oh for crying out…" Cobra Commander hissed. "What are you doing in my closet?"

"Uh hi," The Henchman gulped. "I'm Steve. Remember me?"

"From when you and your boss left us to die not even twenty minutes ago? Yes, I do!" Cobra Commander bristled. "Now how did you get into our closet?"

"I dunno. The Overlord pressed that Mass Device button thingy and the next thing I knew I was in here," Steve looked around as he stood up.

"Oh Gods please tell me that the Overlord isn't here as well?" Destro groaned. "The last thing we need are more freeloaders!"

"You'd better not add me to that category Destro!" The Baroness bristled.

"Can we not do this now?" Tomax sighed.

"We'll check the ship," Xamot suggested as they went to the control monitor. "This ship…"

"Has a heat signature monitor," Tomax finished. "If there's someone else on board…"

"We'll know…" Xamot went on. "Nope…"

"Just the six of us," Tomax added.

"Which means we have you surrounded!" Cobra Commander snarled.

"This is awkward," Steve took off his helmet and scratched his thinning brown hair. "Uh I think I may either be the only guy who didn't get blown into atoms or separated from the others. So uh? Can I hang with you guys for a while?"

"And the reason we just don't shoot you out of the torpedo tube is…?" Cobra Commander folded his arms.

"I also have a flask of booze I was hiding in the closet that got teleported in with me," Steve showed him the flask.

"Welcome aboard Steve," Cobra Commander took the flask.

"Yeah I could always use a lab rat, I mean assistant," Mindbender nodded.

"Can't be any worse than Cobra Commander…" Tomax looked at his brother.

"Or Mindbender," Xamot agreed.

"Great, another moron on this maritime odyssey from Hell," Destro groaned.

"I give him a week before he jumps," The Baroness remarked.


End file.
